Two Hundred & Six Sandwiches, One Menu!

In a nice Maryland town called Gaithersburg thrives a restaurant to write home about called Roy's Place. It's owner, Mr. Roy Passin has a passion for what he has been doing there for many, many years. He is said to have many talents which include inventing the truth and writing menus. According to over 80 reviews I have personally read about Roy's Place, it's an amazing experience to dine there. If you can't make it to Roy's right away, go look at his incredible website and menu for starters, then scroll around to see what Roy himself has written. Great, great fun. http://www.roysplacerestaurant.com/index.html. I grabbed just 20 of 206 trademarked sandwich selections from his menu for your entertainment. Read them carefully, too funny for words, what a character.

1. THE KESWICK FANGWORTHY (A toothsome concoction left under our pillow by the oyster fairy.) A hard roll, 5.3 oz. ground beef pattie, 3 fried oysters, broiled Swiss cheese, and the oyster fairy’s very own horseradish sauce
2. THE SIGMUND FREUD (Oysters may have amatory overtones, but a cigar is still a good smoke.)
3. THE DEVIOUS DEVOTA (This sandwich is dedicated to all those who are into sausages in upper Transylvania.) 2 Polish, 3 Italian sausages, broiled with hot Roy’s “Mittel Europa” sauerkraut, and a soupcan of crushed cherry peppers
4. FRIAR JERRY HOVANEC (Well-known potter who is looking for a window.)
Roast beef, sharp cheese, anchovies, crushed cherry peppers, lettuce, tomato, & horseradish mayo (pray for us)
5. THE LOUISE IS A BALDINGER (?) Chili brisket, turkey bosom, avocado, Swiss cheese, raw onions, lettuce, tomato, sauce Barbara (pray for yourself)
6. QUEEQUEG (Named after my daughter, Pandora.)Crab salad, Swiss cheese, corn beef & golden sauce, all broiled
7. A GOOD COLD SANDWICH (Because of inflation the price was raised.) Two stale heels of bread enclosing a freshly-made ice cube
8. THE ANDY SCHNEIDER (A significantly salacious succubus.) Chili brisket, turkey bosom, chicken liver pate, Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato & chili mayonnaise on four slices of bread
9. THE WOLFGANG PINKUS (Noted local nonentity and B-flat plumber’s friend virtuoso.) Turkey bosom, chicken liver pate, Russian dressing, lettuce & tomato
10. THE MRS. WOLFGANG PINKUS (Noted lady nonentity and Harfung Plucker.) Turkey bosom, chicken liver pate, Swiss cheese, raw onions, Russian dressing, lettuce & tomato club
11. THE CLEAN LIVER (Have a shot of Mr. Clean.) Chicken liver pate, Swiss cheese, bacon, onions, lettuce & tomato club with mayonnaise
12. THE CALLIPYGOUS (A cheeky sandwich.) Austrian boiled beef, chicken liver pate, lettuce, tomato & horseradish mayonnaise
13. THE TYROL (Named in honor of the late Tyrol Power.) Austrian boiled beef brisket with special horseradish mayo
14. THE KAISER FRANZ JOSEF XIII (Hero of the Battle of Plotz.) Austrian boiled beef brisket, sliced turkey bosom, lettuce, tomato & special horseradish mayonnaise
15. THE HEAVENLY EVELYN (Retired toe dancing queen and snapdragon fancier.)Austrian boiled beef, Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato & horseradish mayonnaise
16. THE CHARLIE BELL (A real ding-a-ling.)Roast beef, Swiss cheese, sliced Bermuda onion & horseradish mayo
17. THE GRACIE BELL (Tinker Bell’s altered ego.) Broiled Swiss cheese, tomatoes with roast beef, garlic mayo
18. THE BULL & BRINY(A lot of salty bull.)Lobster salad and roast beef club with mayonnaise
19. THE NOTHING BURGER (A light snack.) A plain hard roll with butter (You expected continuity??) THE ARCH CAMPBELL (TV’s favorite ham hock heaver & turkey trusser.)
Provolone, ham, pastrami, raw sauerkraut--all broiled with Russian dressing
20. THE DOUG LLEWELYN (Llanguidly Llounges Llizard-like on Lladies’ Llaps.) Baked ham, shrimp salad, chicken bosom, lettuce, tomato & mayo